the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
