booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
