This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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