I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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