they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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