dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
