do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
