plz talk dirty to me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
