He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
