i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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