my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
