Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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