my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
