We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
