The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
