this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
