my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
