FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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