im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my phone needs a breathalizer
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
please don't ironically join a cult
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