youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
