whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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