just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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