The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
