no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
