just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
