I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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