Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize