I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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