i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
