Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
