real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize