someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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