I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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