Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your cock deserves a montage
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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