Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
