for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I need moral support for this bender
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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