I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
