Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize