is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
