then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
