Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
