you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
