i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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