that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
