Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
