You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize