That's intense
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
