i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
