I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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