go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
