a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
