The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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