Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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