You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
