My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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