on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
