I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
