no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
