you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
