there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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