I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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