I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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