How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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