i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
