I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize