i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
