I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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