My balls are so social today.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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