a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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