Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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